Coffee Anyone?

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I enjoy a cup of joe like the rest; however, I don’t consider myself a coffee snob. Actually, I will drink just about any kind of coffee, especially when it means I’m with friends or family. When a friend asks me to go get coffee with her, I know it’s not the particular kind of coffee blend we will be discussing! Nor will it be the aroma of that particular cup. No, usually, when a friend asks me to get coffee with her, it’s to connect with her on a much deeper level than our everyday lives allow. Oh, we will exchange superficial information about what’s going on for a little while, but then we will go deeper into the emotions behind the details of what’s going on in their lives. I like to get to know people.

“How does she feel knowing her son lied to her?”

“How did she take the news that her Dad’s Alzheimer’s is worse and that he didn’t even remember her name?”

“Is she afraid she will lose her job because because her son is sick … again and she had to miss work?”

These kinds of probing questions will penetrate the “have-it-all-together” facade in order to really connect and communicate with someone. There is much more than words being exchanged: There are tears! There’s laughter! There’s confusion and joy!

I am not the best friend sometimes, but I really try to make people feel valued, significant and known.

Not to bash men, but I really don’t think they get it! It’s just not how God made them. One night while I was still living at my parents’ house, I was busy in my room getting ready for the next day. My Dad asked me if I wanted some coffee. I was really looking forward to spending some quality time with my Dad, and I was thrilled that he wanted to spend some time with me, too. So I quickly finished up what I was doing and went to the kitchen. There sat my cup of coffee my dad had made me. The rest of the house was dark except the light above the kitchen sink. Everyone had gone to bed–including my dad!

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My heart was deflated! The next day I asked him about it. His response was, “I asked if you wanted some coffee; so, I put a pot of coffee on for you and went to bed!” LOL! (“Building Three” coffee shop is a great place in Colorado Springs to have coffee and conversation! My husband and I go there a lot!)

That was the day I knew men and women are wired differently. Women are wired for relationship, face-to-face interaction with one another more than men are! If my dad knew that’s what “a cup of coffee” meant to me, I have no doubt he would have stayed up with me and chatted for a bit before he went to bed.

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In the past women would do this kind of communicating while they were hanging laundry out to dry. They would talk to one another over the fence posts. They were there for one another — during the good times and the bad! If you had neighbors, they were automatically your lifelong friends!  People didn’t usually move from one community to the other that often. Women exhcanged recipes and heartbreaking news of an loved one’s illness! They were there for each other when babies were born. They were there for each other when babies were buried. The women formed warm bonds of lasting friendship in order to survive the threat of cold, harsh winters!

It’s ironic to me that we have the most advances in communication devices: cell phones, chat rooms, Skype, text messaging, etc., but we really don’t communicate — at least not on a meaningful level! We need to learn to be “community” again! We need to learn the art of friendship! We need to be intentional and make room for what truly matters. The best gift we can give someone is our time! It’s priceless!

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Tell me what it looks like for you to have meaningful conversation! Is there coffee involved? Are you purposeful about connecting with others?

8 Comment

  1. Julie, you definitely that this blog “thing” down! I enjoy reading what you have to say. Keep going.

    I had a friend in college where we would have the best conversations while riding our bikes! Time would fly by as we would be deep in conversation! I loved it because we were exercising at the same time.

    1. Thanks, Niki! I think that my twins are the same way. If we are engaged in doing something TOGETHER, they are more likely to start talking and sharing their hearts with us. That’s one of the reasons I love to hike. We can all be in crappy moods, but get us hiking on a mountain trail, and our attitudes change. And we start enjoying one another!

  2. Well said, Julie! I can picture those former days and almost wish we were in living in those simpler times. — Well, I’m a crazy person and don’t like coffee, but also don’t ever care what the food or drink is. I go for the company. I’ll even ask friends if they want to “go for coffee” even though I don’t like it. 🙂 (True southern girl that I am, I do love me some iced-tea, though.) 🙂 — Meaningful time, to me, looks casual. Simple. Comfortable. Safe. 🙂 — Sweet post, thanks for sharing with #ChasingCommunity today, Julie. 🙂 ((hug))

    1. Thank you, Brenda! I’ve often said, if I could choose a different era to live in, it would be during the Pioneer Days. I don’t think I’m romanticizing all of it, but it did seem to be a simpler life back then. Definitely harder in some ways, but community played a bigger role in people’s lives. Technology, although promising us more and better connection, has failed to bring true and deep community. Have a great Thursday! Thank you for being you!

  3. Beautiful post on relationship. And I love coffee! <3 Have a blessed rest of your week.

    1. Thank you, Carolina! It’s all about relationship, isn’t it?! You have a blessed rest of your week, too. It is snowing right now here in Colorado Springs. I can’t wait for summer!

  4. Meaningful conversations can take on many different forms, but honesty and authenticity is required for all forms. I think the best way to break down barriers and engage in community is to be real and honest about our own “stuff” so people feel free to be real and honest about theirs.

    1. I wholeheartedly agree, Sarah! Honesty and authenticity in ourselves is what draws others to be honest and authentic as well.

      I think in spite of all of our technological advances we have today, there seems to be a lack of depth at times. When I’m with someone (having coffee, sharing a meal, etc), I want that person to know I see them! They are known.

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