Starting this Wednesday, I will be hosting a women’s Bible study from my church at my house. Originally, it was supposed to be at someone else’s home, but I asked that since they have a dog and I am really allergic if we could have it somewhere without animals. I then mentioned that I would be able to host it if needed. That was a bold move on my part! I am the new girl on the block so to speak. I don’t know very many women yet. My church is relatively small, and we’ve only been there for a few months. I was steeped in insecurity at the outset for many reasons:
1. We moved in this house in November after four years of living so tight financially we haven’t had any extra money to personalize our house with pictures, curtains, etc.
LIE: “My house has to be perfect, and I have to have it all together to host anything!”
TRUTH: “Hospitality is more than the outward show of my home. It is having a welcoming spirit and a real interest in those who come over!”
2. I have a special needs son who can be LOUD and NON-COMPLIANT at times. The women will be here right around the time he goes to bed. The fact that he usually goes to bed well is my saving grace. I also have a 4-year-old who seems to be going through something right now complete with temper tantrums that would rival any 2-year-old being denied a toy in Walmart’s checkout lane.
LIE: “I will be embarrassed if these women see my out-of-control children! Their children probably never act like that!”
TRUTH: “My children are not always out of control. Every mom has had embarrassing moments with their kids! It doesn’t mean I’m not a good mom!”
3. The allergies I have to animals in general is not the watery-eyes-sneeze-a-lot kind that can be relieved by taking a Benadryl. It’s the kind that affects my breathing. My chest tightens, I start wheezing and I basically can’t breathe!!!
I’ve always felt like I was a burden because of it. Having problems breathing has ruined a lot of people’s plans. It’s cost a lot of money in the past (medications, doctor visits, emergency room visits, etc). Growing up, most of my extended family had dogs. There were times I had to eat Thanksgiving dinner on my grandmother’s front porch, I had to sleep in our car in the garage of someone’s house because they had a dog and we were visiting from out of town, and even recently as a CNA I had to do clinicals on a separate unit than all my classmates because the long-term care center we were at had animals! UGH!!!
LIE: “I always have to make things difficult. People get irritated at me for it. I’m an inconvenience!”
TRUTH: “I am NOT an inconvenience! People’s irritation with my health issues is not a reflection on me but on them! Besides I’m waiting for God to complete the healing in my body as He has promised!”
I would have been okay if they decided not to have it at my house. I’m used to it, but when the leadership decided to take me up on my offer, it felt good!
Ironically, the study we will be doing is by Jennifer Rothschild titled “Me, Myself and Lies!” Its premise is that, as women, we all have an internal dialogue that happens inside our heads all day long. The Bible says that, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21). Death and life are inherent in the words we speak–even the words we speak to ourselves about ourselves in our minds as well.
I look forward to doing some “thought closet” spring cleaning with God these next few weeks.
How about you? Are there any toxic thoughts that play over and over again? What do you say inside when you make a mistake in front of others? What are the words you use when you look in the mirror and can’t deny the 20 lbs you’ve gained in the last few months?
God has a plan! He wants to help you replace those thoughts with His thoughts! I recommend doing this study! You can even do it online with me as I go through mine!