PLAYING THE VICTIM
I woke up this morning and thought to myself, “Today is it! I’m going to start with a clean slate with my eating and exercising.” That was at 6:30 a.m. By 7:30 a.m., I mindlessly started putting peanut butter pretzels IN MY MOUTH! Don’t ask me how I am able to rationalize that it was mindless because I don’t know. It just was, okay?! My self-protective layers are too thick right now, and I don’t want to do any more therapy today.
After dropping our son off somewhere, my husband and I decided to take advantage of Chik-fil-A’s free chicken biscuit. I decided ahead of time to just eat the filet and leave the biscuit, which in and of itself was a huge feat. But I did it! (It’s still got breading on it, but baby steps!)
I started to cry!
In the middle of Chik-fil-a!
My husband asked why I was crying!
“I’M STUCK! And I need someone to help me with this! That’s why!”
The next few words out of his mouth were some of the most frustratingly life-giving and empowering he’s ever spoken. Not one to mince words, he simply asked me, “You’re not stuck! Why do you always feel like you have to talk to someone before you begin doing what you know you can do?”
I know what to do! I know that calories in and calories out have a direct correlation to my weight gain or weight loss. I know I need to drink more water. I know pop is bad for me. I know I need to burn calories, and just because I have a bad hip doesn’t mean I am destined to be a couch potato.
Needless to say, I was ticked! (I wanted to say “pissed,” but I’m not sure how you all would receive that word. So, I’ll just stick with ticked.) I wanted to run out of CFA right then and go to the nearest gas station to comfort myself with a king size Hershey’s chocolate bar with almonds. I couldn’t leave. He had the keys, and he drove us there.
I was exposed!
I couldn’t hide behind any more rationalizations or excuses. He was right! The Holy Spirit was unraveling me right there in the middle of all the nice people just enjoying a nice breakfast on an otherwise normal Monday morning. The reason I always feel like I have to talk to someone before I begin doing what I know to do is that:
- I want validation.
- I’m afraid of failure.
- I don’t like resistance. Lately, I have been giving up too easily when something got hard!
- I need someone to tell me what to do so I have someone else to blame if it fails. <— That was even difficult to type! But it is true in some areas.
C’mon! We all do it at some level in some area of our lives! It’s much harder to initiate something on your own because if it flops, there’s no one to blame but ourselves.
I don’t consciously think these things, of course! But at its core, what I’ve been struggling and wrestling with is knowing the kind of life I want and feeling helpless to make it happen because of one reason or another.
EXCUSE: I want to publish a book, but I don’t have time to write it.
TRUTH: You make time for what is truly important to you! You seem to find time to watch Netflix and be on social media.
EXCUSE: I want to exercise and lose weight, but I have a bad hip.
TRUTH: If you really wanted to exercise and lose weight, start MOVING! Don’t just sit on the couch! Do what you can! Just because you can’t do what you used to (squats, lunges, etc.) doesn’t mean you just give up.
EXCUSE: I want a clean and organized home, but the boys constantly resist me when I try to teach them HOW to clean and organize.
TRUTH: You are the Mom! Their job is to resist you. Your job is to not give up. It’s important for them and for you!
There is much freedom in creating the life you want to live! I’m looking forward to what God and I are going to accomplish together as I experience more and more freedom in this area.
RUNNING WITH THE HORSES
I want to leave you with a Scripture that’s been rumbling around in my heart lately. It is this: “If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses? If you stumble in safe country, how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?” (Jeremiah 12:5).
If I give up at the slightest resistance to what I feel God has put in my heart to accomplish, how will I ever be able to run with the horses?! I don’t want to give up at the slightest provocation! God is always using what’s going on in our lives to prepare us for what’s next!
I want to run with the horses! Don’t you?!
PS: A huge shout out to my husband who teaches me to fly while encouraging me to keep my feet on the ground at the same time! I don’t know how he does it! But he does it every time!
- Are there any areas in your life that you feel stuck?
- Could you possibly have a victim mentality, too? You have more excuses why you CAN’T do something than you do plans to do it.
- What areas can you take steps toward creating the life you want? Take back your power and see what you and God can do!
“Lord, I humbly confess to You that I have been living a self-imposed defeated life. A life far from the one You’ve called me to live. Help me to recognize the lies I’ve believed that would keep me from walking fully in the abundant life You’ve promised me. Prick my conscious again and again whenever that victim mentality creeps into my thinking. You have said in Your Word that I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me. My unbelief will keep me from walking in the truth of that Word! I want to say I CAN to every I CAN’T that tries to keep me defeated before I even try!”